mon 09/12/2019

theartsdesk Christmas Message | reviews, news & interviews

theartsdesk Christmas Message

theartsdesk Christmas Message

Merry Crispmas: we suggest a rebranding of the big day

'It’s not hard to picture MacGowan, with his graveyard grin and pickled-egg eyes, gracing our Christmas cards'

Once upon a time in the central West Bank, a child called Jesus was allegedly born to a virgin. Once upon an even earlier time, the Greek demigod Perseus was also allegedly born to a virgin, likewise the Aztec god Huitzilopochtli. You can probably see where I’m going with this. There have been countless holy figures from Mexico to China, from Mongolia to Korea, and on and on down the millennia, who have supposedly been born in this biology-denying manner. Within the macrocosm of the mythic it all makes perfect sense: obviously a supernatural being would come into being in a supernatural way – first impressions are extremely important, especially when you’re after unquestioning adoration and obedience.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t stuff yourself with concentration-camp turkey while watching a fir tree slowly die, if that’s your thing. I’m just saying we need a new figurehead

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